The Top Worst Job Ads

Worst Job Ads Cartoon

The best techniques for writing effective job adverts are not dissimilar to other forms of advertising. The job role is your product; the readers are potential customers. The advert has to generate interest, communicate your message succinctly and quickly, relay the relevant and appealing features, and provide an easy response process.

But really, this isn’t your concern; it’s the job of your recruitment agency. Finding a good recruiter isn’t just about sourcing a stack of CVs. It’s about finding someone who will deliver only the most relevant and qualified candidates; someone who employs stringent pre-screening methods; someone who understands your business and can advise you with their knowledge of the marketplace; and someone who can write a killer job advert. This service shouldn’t come at a premium either. Modern recruitment is about offering all of these services for an affordable, one-off, flat fee. A fixed rate is there to help you get the most from your cost per hire, so if you’re paying over the odds, perhaps it’s time to reconsider your options.

Bearing that in mind, here is a selection of the best worst job ads to ever grace the marketplace.

Sales Help

WANTED: part time sales person who won’t quit after two months, who works hard and doesn’t think they’re doing me a favour by working here, and who can take a joke and won’t cry everyday on the floor.

Vinnie’s Pizzeria

HELP WANTED. Food experience a must.

Do not apply if you’ll need nights off because your band has a gig. Do not apply if you’ll need weekends off because you have a gallery opening. Do not apply if you just want to work for a few weeks before you go to Europe.

People Burgers

It takes many ingredients to make Burger King great, but the secret ingredient is our people.

School Bus Drivers Wanted

As long as kids get weekends off, so will you. You’ll never take your work home with you. In fact, it would be illegal.

Make $16.25 an hour doing what most parents do for free. Become a school bus driver.

Revenge of the Recruiter!

Sales Advisor

My client are a massive bunch of indecisive ***** who like to think of themselves as being better than they actually are. They are now looking for likeminded ***** to join them. You will be arrogant and have a high level of self-importance, along with a real desire to rip customers off to make lots of money. Salary on offer is £18k – £22k, although my client will say that you can achieve manager status in 2 – 3 years with a salary of £35k plus. However, this is rubbish, as the same idiots have been managing the same branches for many years. You will be responsible for selling customers things that they don’t need, at grossly inflated prices. They will interview you and make it sound like they’re keen on you, then arrange a second interview, at which you will think you’ve done really well. However, your feedback will be “Not for us” which will be really helpful for us to identify more suitable candidates, and for you to understand why you didn’t get the job. If the above sounds like it could be for you, apply today!